Breathe in. Breathe out. Whew, it’s been a tough week. Juggling the usual tasks, but on top of that, John and I had a couple tiffs. You know how draining those can be… We’re coming up on ten years together this August (was I really only 20 when we met?), and actually the last couple of years have been pretty much skirmish-free. Until now. I suppose his stressful new position doesn’t help. Nor do the distance and my internal issues. I’ve had some trouble sleeping. I just really want to maximize things: you know, the Mandarin learning, my remaining days here, my life in general. I want my shit pulled together and figured out. And then there’s that whole “career” issue. God, the career is so overrated but still, it’s tough seeing people’s faces when I explain I just want a challenging and enjoyable job. I don’t know if anything will develop into a “career,” but for now I’m just focused on getting a job. They give me this look like I’m a slacker or something. It’s not as if my experiences don’t follow any kind of theme…

ANYway, John and I have worked out the kinks now. I’m most definitely on the prowl, job hunting for opportunities in the Bay area. I’ve decided on a three-prong approach that hopefully will put my writing/training/web development skills to use with nonprofit women’s orgs, nonprofit environmental conservation orgs, and private-sector tech companies. The Bay area is a tech hotspot after all… might as well experience working for a dot com or something. Unexpectedly enough, the other day I was thrilled to discover that Google has a philanthropic arm, Google.org. That could be sooo good. Anyone out there a Google-ite?

I’ve been in a foul mood this week. For one, I fucked up my sleep schedule staying up til 3 a.m. one night reading a shitty book, The Lost Daughter of Happiness. Written by a native Shanghainese woman who is now living in San Francisco, the book appeared promising. I mean, come on, all the elements are there: Shanghai, San Francisco, Chinese author, trafficking in women. Plus, the book was recommended by a friend. Well, shit. I was disappointed as hell. Read half and wasn’t that thrilled. Somehow though, I was convinced it had to get better, so I continued skipping ahead. I suppose the main turnoff was shifting perspectives. The story was mostly third person, but then there were these awkward first person sections. The flow was choppy and the language a bit forced. Maybe the translator messed things up. I don’t know. Then again, I could have just grown impatient and frustrated with the weak and passive protagonist. I mean, yes, she’s a trafficked woman but STILL, I’m sure there are strong women who are trafficked and still trapped inside the system. Ugh. Anyway, thank goodness for Princess Melissa. Yes, she’s the one from Real World New Orleans, but don’t hold it against her. She actually hates being tagged with Real World, and you know what? I kicked my Real World habit YEARS ago. The point is, Melissa rocks. You have to check her out.