So my attempt to wean off Myers-Briggs lasted for like a day: the obsession continues full blast. This shit is just so damn fascinating and insightful… plus, some of the stuff is just so spot on. It’s like witnessing magic or something. I just need to keep it all in perspective. That’s all. Something I’m so great at doing! 😉
I did sleep much better the last two nights. It helped a ton that I was off on Monday. But I’ll need to resume listening to my autogenics/mental skills tracks before bed. They help my mind focus on a single thing and quiet down a bit.
The Uncover Your Calling class was super intense last week. She talked about some really interesting research where writing about the facts plus your emotions surrounding a traumatic event helps you thoroughly grieve a situation and move on, eventually enabling you to become more well-adjusted and healthy (vs. writing about random stuff or writing about just the emotions, sans facts, around a traumatic event). So that’s our assignment: to write at least three times in the week about the facts and emotions around something traumatic.The good news is, we don’t ever have to share the details of what we write: we just talk about what we get out of the process… so that’s kinda good because I don’t really want to be sharing too much with people I don’t know.
But I’ve learned some interesting things over the last week…one disturbing realization is that I’m turning into my parents (or my father, at least), having tons of expectations for myself and for people I love. I guess I sorta already knew this about myself but I dunno, it became super evident the last few days. And as much as I try to practice self-acceptance, I still really gauge my self worth through accomplishments and achievements. In the case of my father, it’s fine because his success is practically a story out of Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers, but in my case, I often feel disappointed by all the unmet expectations. I frequently feel insufficient, inadequate: this nagging voice drives me to try to do more and to be more, but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed and consumed trying to be something more than I am. Then to make matters worse, I also have a fear of complacency. Goddamn, I feel like I have an entire debate/conflict just raging in my head!!
But I’m pressing Ctrl-Alt-Del now, because seriously, I exhaust myself.