If you haven’t watched the movie, add it to your list. It’s on Netflix Instant, and it stars Paul Rudd and Rachel Weisz. Both great actors and not too shabby eye candy. The basic premise? Guy meets a girl, falls head over heels in love with her. Because of her “influence” we’ll call it, he loses weight, gets a new wardrobe, new haircut, new nose, ditches his old frumpy (and beloved) corduroy coat, compromises his once unyielding rules, hangs out less with his friends… Pretty much every suggestion from the girlfriend results in some kind of eagerly adopted change in him.
One of my good guy friends reminds us of that movie. Most of the changes, people would readily consider as welcome changes. After all, who can criticize a slimmer, trimmer, healthier, better looking, more stylish person? But then there are other changes– changes beyond the superficial. Hobbies, possessions, attitudes once a part of him are now surrendered or neglected or abandoned.
Is she good for him? Some people say the answer lies in the motivation behind his changes. Did he always want to look hipper and trimmer? Did he always want to be a health/exercise fanatic? If these were always goals he held, and she just happened to catalyze the changes for him, fine. But what if he was happy with who he was previously, and he is now changing to please her… does that stain the metamorphosis into something negative?
Ultimately, yes, the most important thing is his happiness, and yes, he does appear happy. But I valued him the way he was, and to think that he is undergoing all these changes to please someone because she valued him less as he was and more now, only after he has begun to meet her standards, just makes me sick. Really, it does. Sure, everyone has room for improvement. I’m just not convinced all of these changes are “improvements.” Seriously, now I feel like all he does is work, run, diet, and detox. If I were to meet him tomorrow, would we still connect? Maybe I’m just getting all worked up because I’m partly disappointed with him. Why is he being so goddamn accommodating? Why is he turning into such a flake? Seriously, as much as I admit to being a control freak, I just like to control “things” and situations/circumstances. I don’t try to control people! But he’s letting her control him, and the question is WHY? Is he trying to prove to her that he’s good enough or worthy of her love? It should totally be the opposite way around. Can I tell him that? Can I tell him in all candidness, friend to friend, that he’s too good for her?