The Way I Am

The Way I Am

Day 11 of the new year, and I am feeling energized and inspired like never before. Well ok, I guess I have felt like this before, but dayum, it’s been a fucking long ass time. I attribute part of this new breath to my resolution to let things go: control the things I can (myself) and worry/stress/internalize less about things that simply aren’t up to me. Yes, I’m sure I have made this vow before, but this time, I mean it– if only for my own freaking salvation.

I suppose it helps that I have several trips planned in the coming months, and well, the hobbies are kicking up again. I’ve decided that hobbies don’t get the credit they deserve: they’re not just frivolous activities to pass the time; oh no, they are essential to self-nourishment and overall well-being. I’m allowing myself to partake in hobbies (lots of them), because really, there’s no reason to delay: I have the time, I have the funds (especially since Groupon/Living Social make things so much more affordable), and I have the interest/curiosity. The time is now.

Overall, I’m also feeling more hopeful. Maybe it’s media messaging through shows like What Not to Wear, I Used to be Fat, Biggest Loser… call me a sucker, but those shows only reinforce what I’ve believed all along: humans are extremely resilient– they can survive all kinds of crazy mental, emotional, environmental, physical conditions. “Mind over body” really can bring about amazing, incredible positive change. Sure, some skeptics say these “reality” shows appear successful because all the conditions and resources are optimized so people can’t help but succeed… and the point is??? Rather than dismissing and downplaying accomplishments that are nothing short of incredible (no matter how short-lived after returning to the “real” world), these shows only demonstrate and affirm what is possible. To me, that is the magical bit. Think about it: some of those participants weigh over 500 lbs!! And in a matter of months, they transform their bodies, their spirits, their souls, their lives. How does that not amaze and inspire?

A few days after Christmas, I met up with my old college roommate. I used to refer to Yova as my Carrie Bradshaw/Sex in the City friend. She was professionally successful, socially popular, extremely independent. Oftentimes, I envied her life. But like everyone, she had her own set of challenges. She had bad luck with men, and she struggled with her weight. Maybe that was a consequence of her unlucky relationships or her “professional success.” Either way, it was a factor in that all-too-familiar vicious downward spiral. Long story short, when I saw her in December, she looked incredible. In the last year or so, she had started running, going to the gym, and holy smokes, she must have dropped 30-40 lbs!! And the impact on her esteem and overall mood was so palpable. The truth with all of this is: there are no tricks or gimmicks to changing your life. Life is a beotch, and everything requires hard work and effort. Seriously. Maybe some areas are easier for others, but everyone has something that needs improving or fixing… and sometimes the answer is simply: enough with the excuses. Shut up and go.

So now you’re probably asking, what happened to all that bullshit about becoming more empathetic and understanding in the new year? Well honestly, I’m a bit torn now. Especially after reading this article in the WSJ, I kinda feel some validation, like my personal philosophy/attitude is similar to the whole Chinese vs. American parenting dichotomy. Yeah, growing up with what I considered strict Chinese immigrant parents, I was stressed out a lot from the pressure of high expectations, but at the same time, I definitely learned the value of discipline and hard work in achieving goals. The author talks about a kind of tough love approach, with very little emotional coddling. And tonight’s episode of I Used to be Fat seemed to reinforce that method: The trainer was this ex-military dude, and he was fucking fierce! The girl must have cried in all her early workouts– whining and complaining– and the dude was just like, “I don’t want to hear it. Run down and back. If you want to keep crying, you can stay fat.” Sure, he was blunt and harsh and at times his choice of words were downright rude, but it was so refreshing to hear him– to hear this kind of straight-up, no nonsense, no bullshit language. I mean, here he is, changing lives… That woman lost 90 lbs. in 90 days. The results speak for themselves. Like the parents whose decisions override the desires of the children, he pushed her through all the excuses and resistance and self doubt until ultimately, she herself saw the results of her efforts, the direct payoff.

Sure, people will criticize and say it’s not an approach that works for everyone. But how do you know unless you push every person to that extreme? The woman even surprised herself! If life change were a drug, I think I could get hooked. Seriously.

And now that my original attitude has been validated by an outside source, we’ll end with the newest song on my ktv list: Ingrid Michaelson’s The Way I Am.

Good night.

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