Bubs and I had our 13-year anniversary last last Sunday (the day after my big work event). We had a lovely celebration. In the morning, I received another adorable puppy card (baby long-haired dachshund) to add to my collection. Then, we went for a swim and headed out to the city for Julie & Julia. Of course on the way there, a lunch pitstop at In N Out was in order. John recently finished a book about the history of In N Out. He said the family side of the story is actually rather sad, but the success of the business and its continuing commitment to quality? No convincing needed. John is easily a believer.

I have to say, the burger is delicious. But one recent lesson? 2 burgers + 2 fries for 2 people is too much. Like “food coma” too much. So next time, it’s 2 burgers + splitting 1 order of fries. And the shake is totally out of the question. Unless it’s consumed in moderation. Haha. Always need some kind of a loophole!

Anyhow, with our bellies beyond full, we headed into SF. Cruised around the mall (of course) for about 5 minutes. Truthfully, I’m starting to get sick of shopping. I mean, certainly one of the secrets to keeping my wardrobe current is that I shop– or browse– often. Gotta collect those data points, you know? But lately, the merchandise has just been crap. Like I go, spend 10 minutes and then fall totally out of the mood. I dunno what the deal is. At least it all worked out without much time to kill before the movie!

So Julie & Julia was wonderful. I really enjoyed it. I dunno what the critics were saying about the modern character, calling her a whiner and shit. Whatever. I’m sure had the character been male, that term would never have been applied. Whatever. Julie’s this contemporary government bee doing the daily drill in a thankless job in an expensive city. I mean seriously, there are probably millions of people who can relate to this character! (not me though, I love my job, remember?) Regardless, the acting was superb (none of the usual bullshit, unconvincing eyecandy that’s drowning the industry) and what a fascinating story between Julia and Paul Child? How refreshing to see a beautiful, supportive, healthy partnership. And such constancy!

Which kinda gets me thinking…

of so many relationships that have changed over time. In general, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really “break up” with people. Like I still maintain ties, albeit some looser than others, with my grade school classmates, my college friends, grad school peeps, first job coworkers, second job coworkers, Shanghai buds… if I really stop to think about it, that’s a lot of contacts. I suppose I’m pretty decent at keeping in touch too: I remember numbers, dates, experiences; I put stuff in my calendar… but lately, I’ve been feeling like it’s all too much. Maybe my mother was right. Maybe I do act a little desperate.

Maybe part of the problem is my long memory. I remember connections, no matter how far back they date, and I’m probably a little naive in my persistence. For example, how many times do I make yet another effort after many previous ones have gone unanswered. Haha, I’m not saying everyone should want to be my friend. It’s not so elitist really. Rather, I think this is about letting go and moving on.

Remember the great moments of friendship but at some point, realize that the friendship was what it was: perhaps some were meant to last a moment or a season or a year (or two) or a lifetime. Learn to tell the difference, because ultimately, time is precious for all of us.

I have this tendency to follow up and check up and see how things are going. Maybe deep down, it’s some way of drawing out an old fond memory. Maybe it’s just a way to satisfy my “busy bee” nosiness. Whatever it is, I’m coming to see that all of this “keeping tabs” actually consumes energy, and though this may sound harsh, maybe this expenditure is not efficient or sensible. People are busy. I get that. In fact, I try to stay as busy as fucking possible, because I love seeing my Google calendar chock full of events. But again, time is finite, and I want to start spending my time in a way that really means something.

So now everyone is probably wondering: which relationships is she alluding to here? Who is she done with? Sure, there are some people who come to mind, but really this is a broader shift for me. This is me realizing that I’m going to stop trying so hard. Now sure, some things are worth fighting hard for… (John and I had a really difficult time last year but after hanging tough, we made it out of the woods). But not ALL things deserve that much effort. So that’s where I am. No more me initiating calls, repeatedly calling, or coordinating get-togethers of people from back in the day. The day is now. I’m grateful for the wonderful friendships and experiences and connections in the past, but moving forward, friendship is mutual and perhaps not always constant.