Tired

Tired

Damn I’m tired. I’m certainly not one to complain (yeah right) but jesus, sometimes I just feel so fatigued. I returned to the office on Monday fresh after our trip to Maryland, but I felt really stressed– a bit overwhelmed even. Granted, before I left, my boss said he didn’t think there was anything pressing (great… how’s that for job security) but still: I’d been out practically all last week, and my todo list didn’t shrink much.

Then I was a little concerned about how I’d mark the time on my timecard. Was it bereavement? Could I use sick time? Would I have to eat into my vacation (I prefer to stockpile)? All these questions, and then we just got a new general manager so there was some tension associated with that. I know, my boss is as easy as they come, so I really need to just chill with this self-imposed stress. Fortunately, I’m making good progress this week, and in fact today, much to my surprise, HR said I could mark 24 regular hours (paid) for bereavement plus take the remaining 8 hours as sick. What a sympathetic, nice policy. See? Government isn’t all bad, especially not here in Cali. Hehe.

The weather’s been super windy lately. John and I had our third therapy session last night. I swear, I am so irked at the beginning of our sessions. You see, her office building locks after 7pm, so either the previous client is supposed to let us in on her way out (NEVER happens) or we’re supposed to call. So we always arrive right on time, but whenever I call, I go straight to her voice mail. So fucking annoying. Meanwhile, we’re freezing our asses off in gale-force winds. I know, manage the anger, manage the anger. Still. Pisses the shit out of me. Then, I tried to get her to move up our appointment so the doors will still be unlocked when we go, but she’s booked. Fuckin’ A. Well I guess my employee assistance program benefits only cover another three sessions, so either we’ll be done soon (I think we got all our issues resolved now; it’s just a matter of implementing ;)) or I’ll have to suffer through the annoyance another three times. Can you tell I’m so much more patient now? Anyway, Linda seems fairly knowledgeable and book-smart. She teaches me things I don’t know like about the parent, adult, and child that’s supposedly in every person. I appreciate that she is candid and asks tough questions. But I don’t know. The session seems to move so slowly. I want info and solutions– stat!

This week John and I are supposed to compile our list of tasks and then identify/assign the “essentials.” And then I’m supposed to let go of the nonessentials. Whatever. To me, “letting go” just means I’ll do it because really, there’s no reason why it can’t all be completed, especially since we do not have kids. Sigh. The uneven distribution of household labor– when is this ever going to STOP being an issue with couples?

Thank goodness tomorrow is dance class. I hope the teach kicks my ass into gear. I need to sweat all this negative energy out. Regain some bounce. After all, the weekend’s right around the corner and my buddy Pamela is coming to visit next Thursday! Chop, chop. Got to get the house cleaned up.

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