The Complexity of Relationships

The Complexity of Relationships

I just wrapped week 1 at the new job, and I think I could get used to this easy-going, low-pressure work environment. Yes, to be honest, I was a bit antsy, but whatever, I’m going to just deal with my OCD and sit back and chill. The good news is, I’m slowly rebuilding my life. Had my second riding lesson on Tuesday. Amigo had a smooth walk, but he wasn’t nearly as responsive as my previous horse Buck. I’m a little impatient that my ass still slams up and down during the jogging, but as my instructor explained, it was only my second lesson. All in good time.

In other news, it’s been a quiet week for me. Bubs is on travel in Toronto. He was supposed to return this morning, but the project ran over. He’ll be back Monday night. In the meantime, I’m trying to stay busy, but I did get pretty lazy about cooking for one. I pretty much did the pasta/frozen food diet this week. I’m in the mood for sushi today. Or maybe I’ll grab some pho.

Last night, I caught up with my former coworkers Joe and Dave. That was fun. We got into this whole discussion about friendships with the opposite sex and whether they really can be platonic between heterosexuals. My feeling is you love who you love– whether that person be the same sex or the opposite sex. Similarly, with friendship, you connect with who you connect with: either things click or they don’t. Sex seems pretty irrelevant. I mean, just because I’m heterosexual doesn’t mean I want to jump every guy out there. Perhaps I am atypically asexual? I don’t know. People seem to over complicate relationships. Maybe the problem is that people just don’t know their bounds, or they don’t trust that they’ll behave appropriately (yes, there still are limits). And I suppose, given the frequency and high stats on infidelity, maybe that’s a legitimate worry. But at some point in a committed romantic relationship, I would hope there is enough trust, confidence, and security that friendships aren’t considered threats or temptations. I’m not trying to be preachy: John and I have certainly had our share of issues… but in the end, for me, it’s about trusting John and trusting myself. Love is irrational sometimes, but fear is paralyzing.

Anyway, food for thought. I just bring it up because my friend Joe is somewhat traditional. Months ago, John said he didn’t want to see Les Mis the day after seeing Beauty and the Beast. I definitely was not going to miss out on Les Mis, so I invited my flaky friend Yovanni. She took forever to confirm, so when I told Joe at work about the show, he shared my excitement, and I invited him to join me. Then he had this whole thing where he would only go on the condition that John would go. Or that beforehand, he had to meet John for a sort of hand-off, as he termed it.

I found his condition or attention to etiquette (for lack of a better term) rather ridiculous. I mean, I’m an independent person. I invited a friend to see a play. That friend happens to be male. What’s the hand-off about? Am I supposed to get permission to go out with a friend? Is John my gatekeeper? See, this is how I read all of this. And to be honest, I was a bit insulted. Like there was some inappropriateness or cloudiness that required clarification. It’s not as if I didn’t tell John I invited Joe… anyway, that was what triggered everything. Now to come clean, John did admit that he found the idea of me going to the play with Joe somewhat odd, but not enough to ask me not to go… In the end, it all worked out. Flaky friend turned up and all four of us went and had a good time.

One Response »

  1. to be blatantly honest, similar situations have happened to me. and i used to hate myself for not being more angry at the time. because we’re all so trained to be socially polite and to think these reactions through before we display them.but the truth is, his behaviour was incredibly chauvinistic. he’s basically operating on the premise that all women are owned. if you’re married, your husband owns you. if you aren’t he’d probably had gone to ask your dad for you hands to watch a movie platonically. -_-such behaviour is a complete insult to you as an independent human being. you own you. but he doesn’t think so. i dare think that you had been too nice in reacting to him. i feel so insulted on your behalf already!urgh! makes my blood boil!

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