Crash Test Dummy

Crash Test Dummy

Last Friday was judgement day for the “crash test dummy.” For me, this gig was almost equivalent to the first day of school: I felt so much anticipation, I couldn’t sleep. I was up super early, like 6 a.m. or something ridiculous like that. I don’t what my deal was– I think I was just really excited to get some work. Ha, ha. I know, I’m messed up.

Of course in true Bubbey fashion, we had hit the Cheesecake Factory the night before… always gotta push that luck, right? So in the morning, I was at the upper weight limit exactly. Interestingly, after I took a dump (sorry for being crass), I was a half pound lighter. Now for all of us who have ever wondered the weight of our shits, now we know or at least we have a data point. So whatever, I wasn’t worried– I was within the range. The weight was with clothes on but shoes off.

I left the house at t-30 minutes. You never know with traffic and all. I arrived five minutes after stepping out my door. Thankfully, I took a book– I’m still reading Gladwell, btw (great book but I’ve been preoccupied). So I get in and the receptionist offers me a glass of water. Well, it was damn hot that day so I accepted. Ten minutes later, standing on the scale, I went OVER the upper weight limit! By like 0.3 lbs! THWARTED, I thought! Luckily, the bio-mechnical engineer (who even knew those people existed?) said it was fine. Eking by, man!

As for the job, it took place in a rented Ford Focus. I sat in the driver seat. I adjusted the seat and mirrors then the engineers–not even using laser/high tech equipment, which seemed a little half-ass to me– took various measurements, for example, navel to side door, forehead to window, nose to dashboard, etc. Seriously, I just sat there. Oh, so glamorous. Whatever.

So all this data goes towards some auto accident insurance case. The lady fractured her ankle or something, so I got to twist my foot every which way to simulate possible movements following impact. Then the engineers crank the numbers through a model to see if indeed the victim’s reported injuries are possible given all the conditions. Doesn’t seem too difficult and yet, the job actually solves a problem. And there’s an actual answer. That’s my kinda thing. No more of this unresolvable social ills crap. Plus, these peeps wear jeans to work. One dude brought his dog. The lady brought her toddler. How cool is that for workplace flexibility? And they’re outside in the gorgeous California sunshine. Not too shabby, I say.

Of course, I made out ok too. $100 for 45 minutes’ “work.” Unbelievable. I’m telling you, the golden gigs are out there! The manager said he’ll keep me on file. The engineers also said they’re waiting for x-rays, and after they receive those, they may need additional measurements. No problem, gimme a buzz!

I got loads of work yesterday from IBM too. Thank goodness. I am burning to make some dough! I have so many hours of recording to do… like 5 modules. As usual, all of it is fun too– not (software training). Haha. I just have to keep telling myself: peppy, upbeat, energetic. Yeah, that’s exactly what comes to mind when I read the scripts. Oh well, makes me feel legit, like a working member of society. So all’s good.

My throat feels a little sore today though… 🙂 Probably because i’ve been joining some social activities. Surprise, surprise. Our neighbors invited us over Sunday afternoon for football and finger food. There was another couple there who is getting married in three weeks. So yeah, they’re like full-on lovey-dovey stuff. And then, the dude had the nerve to ask us weirdo touchy-feely questions like, “when did you know it was love?” and “when was the first time you held hands?” Say what, dude? We been together ten years. Ah uh. None of that ok? I wear gramma pj’s to bed. John and I have a difficult enough time remembering the main dates… Needless to say, I was very uncomfortable– in part because then I felt like we were supposed to remember those moments?! I don’t know. I thought the questions were a bit intrusive too, especially coming from strangers. I was visibly stressed out, so I guess if anything, they got enjoyment from that– from my obvious discomfort. Anything for entertainment.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *