P is for Pretentious

P is for Pretentious

So our storage unit is on the top floor of our complex. The Jefferson at Bay Meadows consists of several buildings, but each is only four stories high. And the elevator is confusing as hell– the least user-friendly elevator I’ve seen. Aesthetically, it’s a nice lift– roomy with a high-ceiling for super tall/long furniture pieces and it’s relatively new and sturdy. It has doors on two sides, but the buttons don’t make sense. For instance, I have trouble figuring out how to open the back door (on the opposite side, facing the visitor entrance). Anyway, when I first started moving stuff upstairs last month, the highest number on the keypad was 3, so I just assumed that was the highest floor the elevator serviced. I figured the third floor apartments were double-level, and you just had to go up one flight of stairs to reach the storage units on the top floor. I know, it sounded a bit off, but I didn’t give it much thought after that. I just went to the third floor and took the stairs.

Well when my monster shipment arrived last week, I noticed a P button next to the 3, not next to the 1. I thought about it and I knew that the parking garage (usually marked P) was the G button. Huh? Was this possible? P stood for Penthouse, maybe? Seeing as I had two really huge, heavy-ass boxes, I gave it a try. What do you fucking know? P is for Penthouse. Mother fuckers. I mean, this isn’t some swanky, high-rise like the Trump Plaza. Why couldn’t they have just used a fucking 4 button like any other apartment complex? Swear to god, these pretentious freaks. What the hell? John just chuckled, shook his head, and said, “Classic doobies.” He says he knew something was up when I told him the elevator didn’t go to the top floor. Well, I didn’t see him pressing the P button! How the hell was I supposed to know?

From 2005.08.21

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