Having the Cake and Eating it Too

Having the Cake and Eating it Too

I reconnected with my long lost friend Anushay the other day on MSN. I have to say, she is by far my hottest friend– she’s from Bangladesh; super gorgeous with a heart of gold (she works in gender and development). Anyway, we go way back to my FMF days… She’s in London at the moment. Actually, she’s been in the UK a couple of years now and only recently, has she discovered the magic of MSN Messenger. I know, I really have to get all my friends on board. I don’t understand why anyone would fight the gravitational pull of constant internet connection. ANYway, so we did some catching up… went through all the updates. And omg, did she have a story.

So way back in 2003, she was seeing this dude kinda on and off. Really clicked, was just really into him. For geographical reasons, the relationship never truly solidified, but even three years later (now), they stayed in touch. Then, one day she randomly googled his name… the dude is frickin’ MARRIED. Was married three years ago, is married still. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I don’t even want to get started on this whole issue of infidelity but well, no stopping me now. Oddly, I’ve been bumping into the issue left and right lately. I just don’t get it. Seriously. How fucking selfish and immature and deceptive. Now, I’m not going to make some blanket statement about guys being the perpetrators; I have girlfriends who have cheated. I just shake my head. No matter how they explain it, I never understand the rationale. It’s like some bullshit, messed up reasoning, like they cheated because they wanted to test something. It’s such a load of dogshit. I mean, bottom line is that you are weak, you are impulsive, and you’re a self-serving asshole. Oh, how infidelity enrages me! So the other day, Pamela and I watched the movie Unfaithful. I’ve seen it before but still, every time, I just want to shake Diane Lane. What the hell are you doing? Am I missing something here? I mean, how hard is it if, for example, you’re pissed off at your partner. Or you’re not getting along. Or you want a break. How difficult is it to just tell the person? Isn’t that still easier than sneaking around and keeping up two separate lives? Let’s say, you’re ultra pissed at your partner. You don’t even want to talk to him/her for a few days. Fine. Send a goddamn email saying you want a break. Yes, it should be done in person or on the phone, but jesus, at the point that you’re going to cheat? Screw the Miss Manners bullshit and notify in whatever method you can manage. Or what if there’s someone at work or school you’re attracted to… fine. John’s ex once said, “Just because I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.” Personally, when I’m on a diet, I don’t look at the menu, but… ok, if you’re attracted to someone else, fine. Admit it, but don’t deny the attraction and then proceed to act on it… Argh. I’m getting so pissy now thinking about all of this.

It’s just that… what is going through that person’s head? If someone’s not interested in being monogamous, then don’t be in a romantic partnership. It’s not rocket science. To me, it doesn’t even matter whether you’re married or not. Are you or aren’t you in an exclusive relationship? If both parties know or are down with the swingers thing, fine. But god, I hate lying players. I really really hate that attitude like you can fuck with people and get away with it and it’s ok. It’s not ok. At all. People sometimes say, “things just happen.” What the hell is that? Have you no control? It’s like you have to take a leak. Do you just piss in your pants right then and there? No! You hold it and wait until you can fucking relieve yourself at the appropriate place. And I mean, are you totally oblivious to what is happening? The growing attraction, the changing dynamics? Sorry, I’m totally on my soapbox now… and don’t misinterpret me. I’m not saying I have some storybook relationship. I’m not intending that at all. I’m just frustrated, because I see infidelity everywhere. And it’s a sad thing when people break hearts, because hearts don’t mend so easily.

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