John’s not going to be too pleased about me sharing this kind of information, but here goes: So he’s had the runs on and off now for about two weeks. As you already know, the last week of March, both of us were paralyzed with some kind of bug. We seemed to have had different forms: I had high fever and chills; he had occasional fevers and the runs. Anyway, on arriving in San Francisco, John claimed he was immediately better. He then hit the supermarket hungry and bought a ton of food. After scarfing down some grub, the illness returned. So this past Monday, he finally went to see a doctor. The doctor made fun of my turmeric remedy; meanwhile, he himself offered no answers. He suspected the infection was viral, in which case the symptoms would pass in a few more days. Still, there was the possibility John contracted Giardia. To be sure, he suggested running tests on stool samples. Yes, samples collected over three consecutive days. Now maybe it’s my environmental engineering background that gives me a stronger stomach with these things, but puhleez, three samples into tiny plastic cups? No big deal. SOMEhow, you figure it out. Regardless, you just do it, and you figure out what this mystery illness is.
Well with John, this is an entirely different story. For him, there’s just something about the thought of touching or handling shit that totally grosses him out. I mean, come on, it’s not like I’m telling him to consume it… Jesus. So I went over with him the possible techniques for collection. Not surprisingly, he called me today and insisted (quite adamantly) he’s much better. I ask if he’s still getting sick poopies. Yes. So shouldn’t he just submit the damn samples and get it over with? Oh well, he’s on the road to recovery. A few more days, and he’ll be totally back to normal. Uh huh. Meanwhile, the sample collection window is passing quickly… Just to give you a better sense of who I’m dealing with here, guess where John ate after his doctor’s appointment? McDonald’s. I don’t even flinch anymore. After all, he’s the same dude who scarfed down a Big Mac after finishing Fast Food Nation and Super Size Me.