Monster Hands

Monster Hands

The ladies at the salon always comment that I have the biggest hands… Funny thing, my hands never gained much attention when I was living in the States. I remember in high school, I so envied my friend Tricia. She could palm a basketball (albeit a ladies’ ball) Michael Jordan style. Was so cool. Hmm, well I guess in biology, my partner did seem impressed by my steadiness in dissection. Back then, I had big plans for my hands: they were destined to be surgeon hands. At least that was the original plan. Sigh. Ah well, things change, what can you do.

I suppose now my hands are useful for assembling household furniture and repairing various things around the apartment. Speaking of which, I have this crazy love affair with superglue. That shit is da bomb, and frankly, I can’t stop buying it. I’ve used it to repair all kinds of things, from re-patching carpet to repairing a decorative teapot to constructing a makeshift medicine cabinet out of cardboard. Hehe, ok so the medicine cabinet didn’t go over well with John… Anyway, back to the hands… so yeah, the salon ladies lined up to match their Lilliputian palms against mine. I was like my own little freakshow booth. My fingers were about a joint longer. An Amazon, I tell you! ROAR! Well, I guess being an anomaly has its perks. They insisted my hands would look great with a manicure. Ah, the sales pitch right? Well, since I had already clipped my nails at home, all they had to do was file and color so they gave me the bargain price of 30 rmb ($3.6 USD). And boy was this a steal: I got the base coat, handpainted flowers on each finger (I actually didn’t want so many frills, but they were quite adamant that I not fuck this up with my non-existent fashion sense), plus the top coat. Not too shabby. So, here you go: a shot of the monster hand, or finger rather. I apologize in advance: John, the self-proclaimed, award-winning photographer, was apparently having an off day, i.e. blurry pictures.


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