The other day, I was complaining about Chinese parents to my hair stylist. You see, I have a friend here, a beautiful, intelligent, professionally accomplished woman, who happens to be 30 now, and her parents are constantly harassing her about still being single. Her mother leaves magazine articles about grandmotherhood on the kitchen table! Already, my poor friend (I’ll call her Jenna) is flipping out about not having found Mr. Right. So on top of her own insecurities, her mother is bitching about missing out on being a grandma?! What the fuck? My stylist offered no sympathy. Instead, she said calmly, “Women are like balls.” Huh?

A woman in her 20’s is like a basketball. Everyone grabs and fights for her. A woman in her 30’s is a ping pong ball. She’s pushed around from one person to the next; no one wants her in his (or her) court. A woman in her 40’s is a soccer ball. Get her as far away as possible. Women as objects in a game. Real. nice.